By J.
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Matthew 18:15-17, 21-22
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.
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In Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus teaches Christians what to do when a fellow believer has wronged them. But what if you’ve been wronged by someone with a different value system who doesn’t think they have sinned? What if they can’t understand the depth of hurt they have caused you? What if they cut you off from contacting them to seek reconciliation? Christians are still called to forgive in a one-sided manner when reconciliation is not possible. The most striking example of this is Jesus’ words from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
As we seek to forgive, perhaps we should first examine our own hearts and confess any sin we have contributed to the situation and ask for God’s forgiveness through Jesus. If it’s appropriate, we should apologise to anyone we have hurt. We should also check that we are not attributing more sin to our offender than they have really done, since sometimes part of the pain may come from the trauma of other wounds.
The greater the pain, the harder forgiveness is. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter anticipated a situation where forgiveness seemed very one-sided; he asked whether forgiving someone seven times is enough; surely after seven times it’s clear that no effective repentance is forthcoming. Jesus’ reply “seventy times seven times” is a saying that means there is no limit to how many times we are to keep forgiving. When you’re lying awake at night full of hurt, anger and your mind has run away with imagined comebacks, let’s meditate on the following three truths that God can use to give us victory.
I am a forgiven sinner
In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus tells of a man who owed the king millions of dollars. He begged for mercy, and the king forgave his whole debt. This same man then grabbed a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars and had him thrown in jail when he begged for mercy. "Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?'" (verses 32-33 NLT) Through faith in Jesus, we have received forgiveness from God for a much bigger offence than anything anyone could do against us. Forgiveness means taking on ourselves the cost of the other person’s sin. On the cross, God took on himself the just punishment that we deserved. If we had shouldered this punishment ourselves, it would have required an eternity in hell. Forgiveness is being willing to do for others on a smaller scale what Christ has already done for us.
God will deliver justice
Sometimes we get stuck in unforgiveness because it feels like the other person is getting away with it. Paul says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19) Forgiveness doesn’t mean no consequences, but it does mean we give up the right to demand consequences on our terms to our satisfaction, as though we are the ultimate judge. It means we trust that God has “set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed.” (Acts 17:31) There are appropriate consequences that can be compatible with a forgiving heart, such as calling the police, notifying your pastor or disciplining your children. But we should not expect our sense of justice to be fully satisfied through these earthly consequences.
Jesus will help us forgive
Corrie Ten Boom, a former concentration camp prisoner, tells of when she had just preached about God's forgiveness. Afterwards, a former guard came up asking for her forgiveness. Her heart was filled with coldness, and all she could do was silently pray, "Jesus, help me!" As she woodenly lifted her hand to shake his, her heart filled with a healing warmth from God and she was able to say, "I forgive you, brother! With all my heart!" (Click here to read the full excerpt from The Hiding Place.) Even when pain or anger keeps coming back in waves, keep praying that Jesus will help you. Pray for your offender, “Lord, lead my offender to repentance and faith in Jesus so that the judgement he/she deserves before You would be paid on the cross.” God is gracious to enable us to forgive, up to seventy times seven times and more. Praise be to God!
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